January 2008

Process Server Thoughts

Worthless Information

•   It takes 80 feet of wire to      make one Slinky.

•   There are 10,800 feet of film      in a two-hour movie.

•   There are enough calories in          a Big Mac to run a vacuum      cleaner for 98 minutes.

“Back Off  - I Know People”

RELAX!  YOU DESERVE IT !!!

Your office desk needs a cleaning, your email has not been read in about a week, and your boss is telling you that if that complaint is not completed by 3pm to cancel the family trip to the lake this weekend.  You have been working extremely hard, and you deserve to relax for a few minutes.  We are here to help.  Close your office door (if it is still in working order), have a seat, and grab a cup of coffee….NOT THAT ONE!!! It was your coffee from two days ago!  Take this time to enjoy yourself and unwind (this will not be accomplished by spinning in your chair-the side effects could be tragic.)

We have put this newsletter together to help you unwind and have cool topics of conversation that you can use at the office watering hole. So lean back, loosen the tie a little, (no you can’t hang yourself
with it) and prepare to relax.

Let us know what you think ...email us

Emily’s Corner ~   “Bob and the Socks”

Once there was a caterpillar named Bob.  Bob was very tiny, but he did good things.  I’m going to tell you one of his biggest deeds.

Once a human family did not care about the family of caterpillars, so they threw all their stinky old socks in a pile right next to the caterpillar family.  The caterpillars did not like this family. Bob thought that they were being rude. Then Bob decided to do something about this. Even thought he was small he could do almost anything. Bob walked up to Charlie, the boy in the family.  He told him what had been happening. 

Try This …

•   Sit in a chair and put your
     right foot out in the air in
     front of you

•   Rotate your leg in a
     clockwise  motion.

•   While continuing to rotate      your leg, use   your finger
     to write the number “6” in
      the air.

What is your leg doing?

Charlie agreed to help him. He asked his sister, Lisa, if she could help the caterpillar family.  Lisa said she would try to put her socks in a better place too.  So, the whole family tried to get used to putting their socks in the laundry basket instead of on the floor.  The caterpillar family was happy, but not for long.  The next thing you know old raggy T-shirts are getting thrown on the floor.  So, Bob asked Charlie again if he could help.  Charlie said he was sorry and would try to help once more.  Then on Bob’s birthday Charlie made him a special cake.  He made it with tiny fake shirts and socks as a joke. Then he made sure the cake was so little they could blow out the candles. 

Bob’s biggest deed was helping his little family by asking for assistance.  He was brave and strong and successful in cleaning up the socks.

~ Emily

Notable Quotes:

“ A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can not learn any other way.”

~Mark Twain

“Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.”

~Socrates

“Now is not the time to think of what you do not have.  Think
of what you can do with what there is.”

“Maybe if I cover his eyes, he won’t know that I am here.”

Puzzle Answer: "Happy Birthday"

In the News:  Have You Ever Felt Stuck ?

Officer's shoots save skunk stuck in jar (Associated Press)

When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station's parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away.

The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off ."I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray — and do anything else skunks like to do."

Kellett didn't get much in the way of gratitude, but he's grateful the skunk didn't spray.
But there is one bonus — the makers of T. Marzetti's salad dressing are sending the officer coupons good for free dressing as a reward.

Client of the Month

SIMPSON, THACHER, &  BARTLETT

A leading global law firm with offices in New York, and all over the globe. With more than 800 lawyers, this firm offers legal services and advice to all types of industries. Simpson and Thacher have worked on some of the largest and most complex corporate dealings.  

Puzzle/Mind teaser

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.

He turns to the rich man and says to him,"I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed." The rich man laughs. The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?" The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

On the Flip Side

Is patience a virtue? A bank robber in California made a withdrawal from his own account and then demanded all the money from the vault.  The teller told him that it would take 15 minutes to gather the money. The robber went out and patiently waited on the curb, according to police, who found him waiting there.

The Right to Remain Stupid - An Illinois woman was asked to walk a straight line after crossing the highway divider. The woman started to walk the line but was struggling.  She told the trooper “You’ll have to give me a little longer to do this. This is tougher when you have been drinking.”
(More proof that crime doesn’t pay.)